When Did I Get so Gay?

When I was a child I had delusions of making a career out of interpretive dance. On the weekends I would set the boombox to something expressive and get to work -usually for an audience of one, more poor best friend. Bend, drop, slowly rise: a formula of beauty in dance by nine-year-old yours truly. Simultaneously, I wanted to be a stuntman, a veterinarian, a self-help author, an inventor, and briefly, a youth minister. I was guided in my ambitions by my mentors in high school that led me to believe that I could be anything I wanted to be, as long as I wasn’t a musicologist. Later, upon living with one, dating one, and briefly pretending to be one, I found out why. (I jest.)

We, as a people, gender everything. Just the other day I got called out for referring to my long underwear as ‘man tights’. I did so because they were sold as women’s long underwear and I wanted to feel, well, more manly. I see this as just as problematic as you do. Don’t worry.

We, as the same people – especially the queer ones, also like to sexually orient everything. I gave you the example of interpretive dance as a career that Americans have assigned to women and feminine men. Now having experience in both of these designations, let me expound.

I self-identify as fabulous. I offer this information about myself to friends who ask after my orientation now that I’m transitioning. In my queer little brain, I find the question absurd. I live in the real world, however, so I must answer. People understand me identifying as sparkly better than they would an hour long discussion about sexuality, gender, and the space between. I worry that I rely to heavy on my sparkle-covered stereotypes and am really obscuring the need for people to stretch their brains. My jokes about being a raging homo are understood by the queer community, but am I sheltering those outside of the fold? Truth be told, I really am that fabulous.  Every day I wake up I get a little more queer. It’s astonishing, really, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

As it is nearing the end of the semester, these are just thoughts. Well-planned and executed posts will resume after December 17th. Happy holidays 🙂


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