Good without G_d, gay without G_d, with G_d

with-g_dWalking home on a recent dreary evening I realized that the conversation I had participated in for the past two hours was the first of its kind in at least a decade. My friends had organized a time to get together young LGBTQ+ people and have a frank conversation about faith. The last public conversation I had about faith occurred in a Presbyterian church youth group hundreds of miles and milestones away in Roswell, GA. No LGBTQ+ people were present.

But that night I sat in the company of my friends who have all struggled to reconcile their sexuality with religion. Some have resituated or returned to Christianity. Some Buddhist. And holding it down in the corner for Judaism was little old me.  We all sat willing to carve out our own understanding of spirituality in a world that seeks only to cast us as sinful and oversexed creatures. It was beautiful.

Sitting down to process my public admission of my six-year flirtation with Judaism I see myself as the smallest boy in the biggest universe. I see a man who at seventeen years of age was anything but a man and all but a wandering spirit. I see a well-intended but easily distracted soul. I see a weary soul in need of direction and concrete purpose.

One of my cohorts posed the question that evening of this – if we intend on living forever, when do we charge ourselves with getting our lives together? When do we move past indulging our desires and start holding ourselves accountable? I hear so often from my friends that their behavior is acceptable because they are of a certain age or place in their lives. I myself excuse my lack of personal organization and follow-through on the unbelievable tax my job has on my daily life. But those are surface concerns.

I believe whole-heartedly that life takes us to places where we are intended to go to have experiences and relationships that we are intended to have. My life has handed me many twists and turns and alternate endings in my twenty-three (going on twenty-four) years and I know that I am just getting started. My eyes are wide, my heart hopeful. The universe awaits.


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