Day 41-39: Dear Diary

I’ve spent a good portion the last several nights writing in my journal. This edition, a weathered leather bound volume given to me as a gift and holds only several pages of my deepest thoughts. But it sits faithfully by my bed in the tradition of many before it for my darkest and brightest hours. My journals filled up a lot quicker before WordPress.

But what makes a blog post and what stays in the journal? Why did I start this blog anyways?

Journal only content is pretty easy to determine. Anything about women, work stress, super deep emotional quandaries. Occasionally blog post first drafts lay in their pages as well as one intensely meaningful letter I wrote to my future self a few years ago (which is reproduced in this blog anyways). But the blog criterion is very different.

Native Son started as a way to chronolog my transition in the medium I know best, the written word. I started the blog the same evening I officially decided to come out as trans to myself and my friends. Over the past 60 some odd entries I’ve spun a yarn about everything from studying and adopting masculine behavior to beginning hormone therapy to, and maybe most substantially, the difficulties I’ve had with my parents. I’ve published my correspondence with them in full, sometimes to great guilt on my part. But they say their words and I said mine. It’s only fair.

I started native son to provide a different voice in the growing canon of trans literature as is available on the Internet. So much of what I’ve found has seemed a time lapse record of every new hair and pitch drop in the writers voice. They’ve all held such a shallow focus on the concept of transitioning when for me the concept is about growing into the best self you can be – extra assembly required. Native Son has stayed a blog because there are already enough poorly executed transition video blogs.

And now Native Son is a book project. Insomuch as I have grown since the beginning of this blog so has my writing, my life experience and my intentions. To ramp up excitement for my top surgery campaign, CHOP, and to solidify my appreciation for this blog and its readers, I am spending these 45 days writing and preparing to turn this blog of the first several years of my transition into a book. I dream for the book to be in print though I imagine it will first be released online. The idea of putting in the effort to bring this project to fruition is intoxicating and daunting. But it’s worth every character on every page, every story, every minute I can describe to you to bring my life experience as a trans person just a little closer to home.

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